Sitting in the I Don’t Know // Satya v. Ahimsa
I work for Equinox and I am pissed. I am so angry that so many kind, diverse, talented, hard working people at both Equinox and Soul Cycle have been put in the position of having to weigh whether if they choose to keep their job, they have to compromise their values. Members and employees of this company have been blindsided by the information that Stephen Ross, the chairman of the parent company is not only a fiscal supporter of Trump but actively fundraising on his behalf.
Finally!!!! An opportunity to act! To have some way to use our voice. So many of us are feeling so angry and helpless by the current state or politics and the electoral process that we are crying out for a way to act. Any way. This dilemma provides us an opportunity. Is acting in retaliation to these circumstances going to make a difference? I suppose it depends on the individual. And can we respond in a meaningful way rather than gut react?
The answer is I don’t know. Not yet. And to not know is okay. It may be uncomfortable, but it’s okay not to know yet. To wisely gather information. To sit with it. To be willing to mire in the muck and make a decision when clarity comes.
Respond instead of react.
And, yes, it was a blindside. Some may claim we should have known, but when I was hired to teach yoga for Equinox so many years ago, I was so thrilled to be given that opportunity (thank you Angela Leigh), I was raising two little kids, driving all over Los Angeles all day every day, and this opportunity fely huge at the time. It did not occur to me to do a political background check on the company.
Perhaps I should have. But I didn’t, and this was years ago, long before Trump. Long before the political climate changed to one where it now feels like political affiliation is a direct correlation to humanity or a lack thereof.
Mr. Ross can believe whatever he wants. He can vote for whomever he wants. But what I am sorting through is whether or not any piece of my efforts, labor and love are putting even a penny into that campaign. Not one penny of mine gets to funnel that direction.
And I just don’t know yet. I am hearing contradictory reports.
My gut instinct was to take a leave of absence (a slightly less permanent decision) to sort out the facts. I have the luxury to even entertain that option. But so many of my friends and colleagues do not. Equinox and SoulCycle are their entire livelihood. The livelihood of their families. Equinox is just one of the places I work, but it is a place I love. Equinox has long been a company that celebrates diversity, pride, love. It is a place filled with some of the kindest people I have ever known. I love teaching there. I love my students. I love taking all the classes. I love my bosses. I have long said that between the two places I work, that Equinox is like the good boyfriend, always available, always checking in to see how I am doing and feeling, giving raises as a general good practice, always professional, never flakey. So now I am worried if this incredible boyfriend has a deep dark secret that is suddenly been uncovered. Or if Equinox remains the gem it is that is dulled by the light of recent events beyond its control. Is Equinox, as my friend Katie Horwitch has said, the innocent child of the bigoted parent?
Of course it’s not that simple.
I am most definitely a political person. I do not shy away from political debate and never have. Like it or not, I weave my belief systems into how I teach, and I am not afraid to get political in my classes. Not necessarily overtly, not to alienate anyone, but this is my truth right now. I have a strong, confident, powerful voice and I am not afraid to use it. I have said, if that gets me fired, then so be it.
But what I am keenly aware of is that my students know me and trust me, and since Trump became president we have all grieved, become incited, meditated, cried, yelled, breathed and moved through some powerful times together. That is the space I strive to create when I teach. And that is why some people come to my classes. We all need a place. I would have died a painful spiritual death the last few years without the practice of yoga and without the fitness classes and instructors that have given me a place to move through so many feelings, to harness my anger, rage, trauma into something productive.
In yoga we have a tenet of philosophy called satya and one called ahimsa. Satya is truth and Ahimsa means doing no harm. If I quit, am I harming innocent people - the staff I love, the maintenance crews whom I laugh with and practice my spanish with every day, the front desk, my managers, my students. Are people going to lose their jobs when/if the clubs suffer? And, if so, is that a necessary evil? Let’s face it, this Ross asshole doesn’t know me and never will. Whether or not I quit as an act of political defiance and expression of my belief systems will bear no weight to him.
Is it important for me to reject the company I love as a whole or to stay and continue to create community and a venue for healing?
I don’t know. Yet.
Yes, we take our practice off the mat. I preach it every day. I live it. But I am currently unsure of what that means and looks like right now.
Am I living my truth? Am I walking my truth? And does living my truth mean that I walk away from any real or perceived affiliation with Trump? Or does it mean I use my voice and my teaching to stay put and raise my voice even louder against hate, division and oppression?
My answer is I don’t know. Not yet.
Something I do know - what is right for one person is not right for another. So anyone and everyone affected by this - may we continue to live the very best of Equinox - the inclusion, the strength, the joy, the community. I will not judge how you respond to this. And you won’t judge me. We know better than to let this divide us further,
I will be teaching my Saturday class at the Marina club. We can not know together.
You can also come not know with me as I retreat to Mexico October 27-November 1 at Prana del Mar. Details here. http://jocelynsolomonyoga.com/retreats-workshops