When I was twenty-six years old, I got sober.
That sentence, so short, so concise, makes it seem easy.
It wasn’t.
It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done. And it wasn’t just one decision. It was and is a million different decisions over and over and over again. And it took me getting deathly sick, scrawny, and so strung out on hopelessness that I was, quite frankly, out of options. See, I didn’t even know “getting sober” was a thing. I had no experience with recovery. From my limited and totally uninformed, superior point of view, groups of sober people were merely cults, requiring a love of a proscribed God with a capital G, and filled with losers who just couldn’t handle their alcohol or drugs. There were no discussions of doing life any other way in my family or with the friends I chose. We all drank. We all “partied.” Some way more than others. I fall into that category.
We also did a lot of other things. Like truly, completely love each other. Like go to school. Graduate at the top of the class. Hold down jobs. Drive nice cars. Have relationships. Keep our shit just enough together.
Just enough.
Until we couldn’t. I couldn’t.
I no longer settle for a sort-of-okay life. I no longer have mornings where I have to piece together the night before. Mornings where shame may pour in and then bravado rears its head to protect me. I no longer feel like shit. I do not have conversations or arguments I regret, because I say all of my things on purpose.
And when I fuck up, which I absolutely do, I clean it up.
I demand the best of myself and I know 100% that the best of me and alcohol and drugs do not go together. Not ever. Not once in a while. Not to celebrate a victory. Not at that one special wedding. Not for that vacation. Not to lament an election result. Not for deaths. Births. Tuesdays. Saturdays. 5pm. New Year’s Eve,
Never.
And it is not a struggle. It hasn’t been for years and years and years. It isn’t even the glimmer of a glimmer of a potential idea. It isn’t even an option.
See here’s the thing. I know I am the best version of myself right now and that I will never be done trying to raise the bar (totally not intended) higher for myself. I am confident, brave, vulnerable, messy, gorgeous, smart. And sober.
And you are all of those things too, but maybe without the sober part. Not everyone needs to get sober. But some of us most definitely do. And some of us just know that the way we have been doing things, just isn’t working anymore. Maybe it did for a while. Maybe it never did. But guess what? You can change your mind. You can make a different decision. It is your choice.
Are you getting in your own way? Are you making choices that thwart your best life? Are you stuck in a spiral with alcohol or drugs that you know is hurting you? Or even worse for some of us, hurting the people you love.
There is another way. You do not have to suffer. That is a choice.
I am a recovery and sober coach. If not with me, reach out to someone.